Back at Life

It's been almost a year when I start writing back at this blog. The reason of comeback? Its because I am feeling useless and unworthy. And don't ever ask me why I am feeling that way, because I don't even know the answer myself.

A lot of things happen within this period of month but I dare to say all unimportant. It's all office matters, some personal stuff not worth to mention and few periods of trauma and self-indulgence. Its all conclude to one word: tragedy. Sometimes I just thinking, what would my life be if my UK plan last year (yeah, I'm still can't get rid of it) goes well? I will be living in London, have a happy life (or vice versa who knows), party party after work, get laid every weekend, and yeah, it might simply leads to happy life. And thinking about it somehow makes me sick of myself, considering my current life and condition which eventually brings me to nowhere. I am stuck people, stuck within my unplanned life.

That is one of the things that I hate to happen in my life. Feel stuck, useless and unworthy. I have felt this feeling when I was in high school and I swear to myself not to feel it again, ever. Period.

I am still here fellas. Right here in Kuala Lumpur. My darling Kuala Lumpur. Yeah, it might sounds a bit ungrateful, but believe me God, I'm trying my best to show my gratefulness to You.

Was in an interview last two days in Damansara. Struggling for a post of Project Consultant in international environmental consulting firm. The interviewers are one Aussie chap and a partner who apparently is a lass from Britain. Great combination. The conversation went well even I was not feeling very well at that time, the minor flu. But until one moment when Greg, the Aussie chap, who happen to be my future boss, questioning about my level of English and suddenly I was struck.

Yeah folks, I have problem in English.

I am suck at conversation with native English speakers. I have no problem to start a chat with Malaysian or other Asian people, but when it comes to the whites, I am feeling a bit shy. Ermm, just call it reserved, not shy.

The diagnosis shows I have foreigners complexity. And that is why I am feeling this way.